Cream of Consciousness

Ok, I'm going to get a little crass for this rant. If you have a low tolerance for YUCK then read no further, and take a look at this. The target of my venom is toilet paper manufacturers. Yes, that's right toilet paper manufacturers. I'm sick and tired of toilet paper dispensers in public restrooms that cut you off after dispensing only 2-3 squares. Unless you're an Oompa Loompa you have to keep pulling on the roll to get an adequate amount. At the hospital where I work (and many other healthcare settings) the toilet paper comes out of the dispensers in single sheets like the napkins from the dispenser at McDonald's. Oh, that's another thing. There are no paper towel dispensers in McDonald's restaurants (term used VERY loosely). I realize that it eliminates waste and is good for the environment and all that, but what the Hell good does one of those air dryer things do me when my daughter's face is covered with a sticky mix of ketchup/mustard/sweet and sour sauce that has the texture and adhesive properties of polyurethane glue?

Where was I? Oh, toilet paper. Then there are those ridiculous Charmin commercials with the dancing bears that inform us that "less is more". Like I'm supposed to make personal hygiene decisions based on the advice of freakin' Yogi and BooBoo. I'm wiping sh** off my ass for cripessakes! If I want to fu**king mummify my arm with toilet paper before going in it's my prerogative! Give me ultra absorbent! Give me 2-ply! Give me Teflon coated! Anything necessary to form the necessary protective layer.